even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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