I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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