I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
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