Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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