I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
