man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
