i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
