I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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