These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
