just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
