OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
