she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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