I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
