I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
