my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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