Dual....:-)
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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