Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
