What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
