my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
