The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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