i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
