I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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