we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
