i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
