I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
