Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
