I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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