oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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