Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So vagazzling was a success
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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