and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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