I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
