Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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