You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
