Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
