Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
