It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
