Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
