I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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