I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
