my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
