Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
