Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
