Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
