Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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