Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
