the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
