D3 body, D1 cock
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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