new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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