dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
