I wanna bring you to show and tell
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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