he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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