And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
