Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
