well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
