Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
